So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
