chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he thought i was a dude.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
