At least make sure they are 18
Why
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
