I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
