Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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