Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
