Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
