4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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