i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
