My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
