I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
