and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He kissed a someone with a penis
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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