So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
