I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I looked at my own cervix.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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