I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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