Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
