i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
