woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
