y did u give ur computer a hand job?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
