I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
