My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
