handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
