i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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