i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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