She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
