If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
