ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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