im about as happy as oj after his trial
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
