I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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