Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
