I think my fart just growled at me.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
