I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
