I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize