I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
im holly from the hills drunk
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
