My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
