Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I came so hard my ears popped.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
