I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
