every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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