I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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