Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
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I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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