yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
