You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
