Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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