Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
