Is it normal to miss your booty call?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
