Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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