You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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