you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
