Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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