So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
