Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
