Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
