you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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