If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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