i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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