bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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