9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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