i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
