I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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