Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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