Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
