Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
