He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
