im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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